


What should I do ?

by Wanheda911



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-07-15 02:25:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7202540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wanheda911/pseuds/Wanheda911
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa  is gay, Clarke isn't or at least wasn't ... Until she starts dating Lexa's cousin, Anya.  </p><p>Or the story of two best friends falling for each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Oh God !

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic, but after reading hundreds of Clexa story I wanted to try something of my own. I hope you will like it and I look forward to read your comments. So please let me know what you think of it.  
> Clexa is under my skin <3
> 
> P.S: You'll probably notice that I'm not a native English speaker. Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistake.
> 
> This actually a second draft, I'm currently rewriting it. Only the first one changed for now

Like every morning Clarke was waiting for Lexa to pick her up at her house to go to school. When she didn't show up in time, which never happened before, Clarke called her and it went straight to voicemail. Worried she ran to the bus stop. At school that day there was no sign of Lexa, nor any news of the brunette. 

"I don't understand she is always here. Do you think something bad happened ?" Clarke ask to her friend Raven as they were on their way to Lexa's house after school.

"Stop you're stressing me out. Maybe she finally got laid"  
Clarke didn't smile to that, she actually frowned. Without noticing anything Raven continued, "remember at Bellamy's party last Friday, she had been talking to that chick all night". Clarke remained quiet. She didn't remember much of anything from that night besides that she arrived with Lexa and woke up in her own bed, Lexa by her side (clothes on of course).

Clarke was still quiet when she reached Lexa's front door and knocked. Anya was the one opening the door.  
After the death of her parents, Lexa went to live with her aunt and cousin Anya. Anya had become a friend of Clarke's, even though Anya secretly wanted to be more.

Anya let them know that her cousin was in her room but tried to make them wait downstairs. But before she could say anything Clarke was already opening Lexa's door without knocking. She could hear it before seeing it. Somebody was moaning. Clarke eyes widened. Lexa was having sex.  
When the two girls realised they weren't alone anymore, Clarke was still staring in chock. She felt something weird in her stomach but could quite name it. She look Lexa in the eyes and muttered something like "I'm so sorry, I should go" before stepping out of the room. Before Lexa could put some clothes on and ran after her. Clarke and Raven were out of the house and gone.

* * * 

Clarke had hurried Raven outside the house and toward the car, she hasn’t said a word besides the fact that Lexa had a naked girl between her legs. After a ten minutes ride, Clarke's phone rang for the third time. It was Lexa. Again Clarke rejected the call. Again. She couldn’t deal with it. It being the way she felt witnessing the scene. The way her heart aches thinking about it. About Lexa with someone. Someone other than her. 

"I don't understand why you're so upset. She came out to us over a year ago. You knew she was into girls". Raven said while driving. Maybe thinking that the problem was the gay part. It wasn't. 

Clarke didn't know what the problem was exactly. Ever since Lexa came out she never dated anyone. She didn't even told Clarke she met someone. They were supposed to be best friends. They were supposed to know everything about each other's life. Clarke was... Disappointed? No. It was something else. Like a part of her has been ripped out. But she didn't understand why. Yet.

Once alone at home, Clarke called Finn and broke up with him. She didn't cry. She was upset yes, but not about that.

Later that day, when Lexa tried to call her for the tenth times, she finally answered. 

She was laying on top of her bed and slow tears were silently going down her cheeks as she was listening to Lexa.  
"So her name is Costa, I met her last week at Bellamy's party. We talked all night and texted everyday ever since. When she asked me out on a date I said yes." Lexa sum up, with an exciting voice.  
"But why didn't you tell me about her? I thought you were a virgin... that you would have waited a bit longer... I mean I feel like I don't even know you anymore." Clarke knew she was being unfair, but she was hurt and confused and couldn't help it.

"She is the first girl I ever been with, it was kinda new for me and I was scared. But I was gonna call you right after she left. I'm sorry... And I'm sorry for this morning too." Lexa didn't understand Clarke's reaction. She thought her best friend would be happy for her.

"No I'm sorry Lexa, I should have reacted in a better way. I guess I'm just chocked that's all... Are you picking me up tomorrow or are you spending another day in bed with your girlfr... By the way is she your girlfriend yet?" Clarke tried to look I interested and happy for Lexa.  
"Um.. I guess... I don't know actually. And of course I'm picking you up tomorrow. That won't ever happen again. I promise.".  
After hanging up, Clarke tried to find some much needed sleep.

* * *

"LEXA! Come here" Lexa ran into Anya's room not sure what was wrong.  
When she arrived in the room she found a smiling Anya sitting on her bed. "Ok what's going on with you?"

"Raven just told me that Clarke finally broke up with Finn..."  
Lexa didn't hear the rest of Any A's ramblings. She felt hurt that Clarke didn't say anything to her. And also relieved, she never liked the boy and always thought Clarke was to perfect for him. What wait? Perfect? That was new, but yes, Lexa thought her best friend was perfect. Thinking your best friend is perfect is normal, right? 

"Earth to Lexa. Are you even listening ?" Lexa was cut from her thoughts and look at Anya, waiting for her to continue.  
"So... You know I always liked Clarke. And you always told me even though you were gay you didn't have those kind of feelings for her, right?". Lexa nodded and just like that Anya told her she was going to ask Clarke out.  
"Like on a date? You know she is straight right ? Like very straight?"  
"Look, I really like her and if I don't do it now I'll probably regret it."

Once she left the room. Lexa changed and went to bed. She didn't sleep that night. She thought about Costia, about her day with her in bed. And then she thought about Clarke. What would she do if Clarke were to date Anya? No, that can’t happen.. I know her she reassured herself, that would never happened. 

Lexa always liked Clarke in a little bit more than friendly way, but she always forbid herself to go in that direction. She never talk to anyone about it, and she certainly never talk to a certain blond about it. She was fine with it. As long as Clarke was in a life, that’s all that matter. She wasn’t in love with her or anything, that would be weird... no she just like her, and thought she was the prettiest girl on earth, but that was all. Anyway, she was dating Costia now, and the girl was nice. Costia deserves a chance, and Clarke is her friend, nothing to worry about.

* * *

The next morning, during the drive to school none of the girls mentioned the previous day for something like five minutes. None of them spoke actually. But Lexa couldn't bare it anymore.

"So... Yesterday..." she started.  
"How was it?" Clarke cut her off "Did she take real care of you?" Clarke wanted to add that she deserved to be taking care of, to be worshipped even, to be kissed on every inch of her body, to be s... what the fuck Clarke! Clarke blushed, no one noticed.

This reminded her of this morning, when she woke up wet after a sex dream about Lexa. Clarke always dated men, but this dream felt like something natural, as if it wasn’t a surprise to dream about your best friend naked on top of your body. She did felt a little weird this morning though, but no surprise at all, as if those kind of feelings for Lexa were always there, hidden at the back of her mind.

Lexa blushed, she didn’t really want to talk about it but she answered anyway, trying to be neutral "she did, and it felt pretty great. I think I like her Clarke". Lexa finally said. She was relieved that Clarke was back to being herself. "I'd love for you to meet her. Sunday maybe ? After practice ?".

"OK. We'll see if she gets the best friend stamp of approval". Both girls laughed at that as they arrived to school.

When they walked to their lockers, Lexa noticed Finn looking at them. Clarke tensed a little. But kept walking in silence.  
Lexa took Clarke's hand in hers "I know about you and Finn, why didn't you tell me? And why did you guys break up? You seemed ok last time I saw you".  
Clarke couldn't tell Lexa that it was because of her. That since she saw her and Costia in bed, it was all she could think about, that she was jealous, and of course she didn’t want to give her approval. She hated that girl. Clarke was being irrational, she knew it, she didn’t even know Costia. Anyway, she could be with Finn, not when she was feeling like this about Lexa. Fortunately, before she could answer anything Anya stopped by there side.

"Clarke can I talk to you? ...In private, I mean..." the other blonde asked.  
Clarke felt Lexa tightened her grip on her hand. She squeezed it gently before releasing it and following Anya. 

Lexa immediately missed Clarke's hand in hers. She was afraid of what Anya would tell her. She knew it was not really her business, that Anya was a big girl but she didn't want her cousin to get hurt when Clarke would tell her no. She will say no... right? Lexa suddenly felt insecure again. 

* * *

On the way to the bathroom with Anya, Clarke thought that the other girl wanted to organise a birthday party for Lexa, since it was coming soon. As soon as the door closed, Anya build up so courage and looked Clarke straight in the eyes before talking. "I was wondering if you would like to go on a date with me..." When she saw Clarke's eyes widened and the look on her face, Anya suddenly felt her cheeks reddened and felt more insecure than ever... "forget it... I'm sorry..." she urged towards the door and stopped. "I know you're straight. I don't know what came over me… I’m sorry". Clarke was still silent but moved to stop Anya from leaving the bathroom. Her brain was blank, she didn't know what to think nor what to say. She was confused. She didn’t know if she was having feelings for Lexa. she knew she loved Lexa but was it really love or friendship? And that dream, what if she was just attracted to her? She always appreciate the beauty of girls, of Lexa especially but she never thought much about it. She just assume she was straight. Now she was questioning her sexuality, yes Lexa was really beautiful, and her body.. God Clarke focus! Clarke blinked and focus on Anya in front of her, face in hands. The girl just asked her out on a date. She's never been with a girl before, maybe she could try and see how it goes. She was single after all, and even though she never really thought about it, Anya was a pretty girl. Anyway, Lexa was with Costia, there was nothing she could do about that. But if there was? Would Clarke be willing to risk their friendship for something she wasn’t sure about? Of course no. And just like that, she made up her mind. 

Anya was still rambling when Clarke finally acted. "Can you just let me go and forget than any of this ever happ..." Anya was cut off by Clarke's lips crashing hers and pushing their bodies against the wall.  
Anya let out a loud moan at the sudden interaction which encouraged Clarke's tongue to beg for entrance. Anya moaned again and opened her mouth while slipping her hands on Clarke side toward her waist, flushing their body together. 

Both girls didn't hear the bathroom door being opened and closed, too busy to notice anything.

* * *

When Raven came back from her bathroom break and sit next to Lexa and Octavia in class, she was more excited than ever. "You girls will never believe who I ran into in the bathroom... Or what I ran into. Or who doing what to who I ran into". Raven was out of breath, “no seriously, I mean wow, I never thought that she 

“For fuck sake Ray, spill it it out” Octavia was getting annoyed by Raven’s ramblings.

“Clarke, Anya, kiss, tongues, hands.. God it was hot” Raven finally said, a big excited smile on her face.

“Damn Clarke! I can’t believe this one” Octavia laughed. Both her and Raven were oblivious to Lexa’s decomposed face.

Lexa on the other hand felt like she was going to throw up.

“Did you even know she was into girls?”

“I know she doesn’t like labels and I’m pretty sure I caught her staring at several girls’ ass or boobs over over the years but she never said anything about it” Raven continued “but seriously you should have seen that, epic!”  
“Raven stop!” Octavia whispered, having noticed Lexa’s change of mood. She gave a nod toward Lexa for Raven to see.  
“Hey Lex, are you ok?”  
“What? Yeah-no-I’m-I’m fine. I just-” The bell rang, signaling the end of class. Lexa grabbed her stuff quicky and muttered “see you late at lunch” without looking back.  
“But we still have two hours of class this morning… damn what’s wrong with her?” Octavia shrugged, “I might have an idea”.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Clarke suddenly remembered herself and removed her hands from under Anya's shirt.  
“Uhm we should.. we should probably go to class” she smiled at Anya and asked the brunette to wait for her after class before leaving the bathroom.

What on earth is wrong with me? I can't be with Lexa so I make out with her cousin in the toilets?... Shit shit shit!  
I'll just tell Anya this was a mistake, It’s going to be fine. I can't kiss her like that, knowing I would rather kiss her cousin. It could be. Anya deserves better.

 

* * *  
As usual, at lunch break, Clarke went to sit with Raven, Octavia and Lexa. The three girls were already there when she arrived.  
“Hey hey Clarkey, what's up?” Raven teased, with a grin from ear to ear. Clarke blushed, but quickly contained herself, there was no way the other girl could know about what happened earlier.

“Nothing really, just class”. Clarke didn't mean to lie, but couldn't tell the truth just yet, she wanted to make things right with Anya first.

Octavia giggled like a child and Lexa just stood up and left, without even saying anything.  
“Lexa where are you going? … Lexa!” Clarke shouted but Lexa continued walking without turning back. And of course, Clarke ran after her, leaving there friends giggled even more. “Those two are fucking blind” Raven murmured to Octavia's ear.  
Lexa stopped on the parking lot, Clarke still walking behind her. She didn't turn to face her best friend, only focusing on her anger? Sadness? She wanted to cry, but wasn't sure why. And there was no way on earth she was going to cry in front of her best friend today. Lexa felt Clarke's hand rubbing her shoulder.  
“Lex, are you ok?” when Lexa didn't answered, the blond continued “What's wrong? Is it Costia? Talk to me, I'm here for you... always”.

 

Now Lexa was angry “Are you though?” she asked dryly.  
“What's that supposed to mean? Of course I'm here” Clarke was confused, was she a bad best friend? Besides the possibly falling in love part, but there was no way Lexa could have known that. And she never will.

 

Lexa couldn't be mad with Clarke for making out with her cousin, she had no right on Clarke's romantic relationship, and she knew that. But knowing that Clarke wasn't straight, that all these years she could have had a chance to be with the blond and never even tried. It just made her feel sick and hurt. She never allowed herself to feel this way, but if she was being honest with herself, she knew, she always knew that she was in love with her best friend.  
Wait... love ? God… I’m in love with Clarke... I’m screwed…

 

She decided to stop wasting time and to be honest, she had nothing to lose after all... besides her best friend in the whole world. Wait, did I just realised I love Clarke? Like more than a friend? I’m screwed...

 

“I'm sorry. I'm just so confused... I don't know what’s wrong with me. I mean I might know,... I think I’m in lo”.  
Lexa was cut off by Raven and Octavia. “Here you are, We were getting worried”.  
Lexa couldn't believed she was about to tell Clarke that she was having feelings for her, that she loved her. She shouldn’t though, it probably would have scared Clarke away.  
Anyway, Anya made a move first, and Clarke seemed to like her.And Lexa was supposed to be with Costia. Costia... she almost forgot about the other girl, and felt bad about it for a second. Lexa took this interruption as a sign, and decided she wasn't going tell Clarke about her feelings. That it was for the best.

Clarke felt as if someone just punched her. Or even stabbed her. She couldn't breath, she couldn't move. The thought of Lexa being in love with Costia just hurt so bad. All she wanted to do was to run away and to forget about her feelings.

 

“I have to go find Anya. Wait for me after school Lex, ok?”. After Lexa nodded, Clarke took off. She didn't see the look on her best friend face. She didn't see the other two girls hugging Lexa and rubbing her back. She was too eager to walk away and hide her tears which were rolling on her face and blurring her sight. She spent the rest of her lunch break alone, hidden on the rooftop of the school.

 

I won't break up with Anya, I can't now. I will never have Lexa the way I want her. She will forever only be my friend. I might as well try to be happy.

 

* * *  
Lexa tried to hide her own tears from Octavia and Raven, but failed miserably.  
“Don't worry Lexa, everything will be alright” Octavia was hugging her while Raven was rubbing her back.

 

“You don't understand” Lexa snorted loudly “Clarke... I-”  
“Shhh... don't worry Lexa, we know” Raven said. Even though Lexa was taken aback with the fact that they knew, she remained still and tried to calm herself.

 

After several minutes of silence, “I had to lose her just to realised just how much I love her. I didn't know. How could have been to blind...” She stopped, looked both of her friends in disbelief “how did you guys even find out? I didn't know myself...” Lexa said, moving away from the hug to have a better look at them.

 

“Lexa, honey, you haven't said a word to us since Raven came back from the bathroom” Octavia started. “We had our doubts before, but know... well.. we're sure”. Raven finished.

* * *  
Clarke was waiting for Anya in the parking lot when she received a text from Raven.

 

Tech Bird: Lexa just texted me to ask me to drop you home, she is already on her way to Costia's. I'll be there in 2, Octavia is flirting with that Lincoln guy again ^^'

 

Art Girl: OK. Don't bother, Anya will drop me off.

 

Knowing she was being unfair she sent another text to Raven.

 

Art Girl: You need to tell me everything you know about that guy and O' ;)

 

Clarke felt a hand on her lower back and turned around. “Hey” she was greeted with a large grin on Anya's face. Clarke felt awkward for a second, but remember that she wasn't doing anything wrong besides trying to heal. 

So she leaned in and kissed Anya on the lips, it was a quick hello peck. But what she didn't know what that Lexa saw it from her car. “Hum sorry” she suddenly feld insecure, they didn’t talk about anything, here she is, kissing Anya hello.

 

Anya was smiling. “We should probably talk?” they started walking toward her car. “I heard Lexa went to see Costia, I'll drop you off if that's ok”. On this, Anya started intertwined her fingers with Clarke's. “Am I allowed to do that?” she asked looking at their hands, Clarke nodded.

“Sure, thanks. So... would you like to go to the movies saturday night?” Clarke said, ignoring how wrong it felt to have Anya's hand in hers instead of Lexa's. She was used to walk holding Lexa’s hand, she never questioned it, she just loved holding her hand.

 

Anya stopped and smiled. “Are you, Clarke Griffin, asking me out on a date?”  
“I guess I am” Clarke smiled back as they started driving away from school.

* * *  
Lexa was in her car, leaving when she stopped at the sight in front of her. Clarke just kissed Anya.

 

She wanted to be Anya, to feel Clarke's lips on hers. She tried to be happy for her cousin and her best friend. She just ignored her threatening tears and start driving.

 

OK, so I always liked Clarke in a more than friendly way.

 

Clarke was straight.

 

Anya made a move.

 

Clarke isn't straight anymore.

 

Clarke is dating Anya.

 

I'm dating Costia, a very nice girl. I like her. But I love Clarke. WFT Lexa! What's wrong with you?

Her thoughts were flowing when she reached Costia's house. She checked quickly her phone and saw I text from Clarke, who asked her to pass by her house after dinner. Even though she was sad, she missed her best friend, she is so used to pass almost every second of every day with her. So she agreed.

 

* * *  
Exiting her shower, Clarke was thinking about her talk with Anya. They agreed to take things slow and to keep a low profile about it, for now anyway.

 

She entered her room only wearing a towel around her, and was surprised to find Lexa sitting on her bed. Lexa blushed and looked away at the sight in front of her. They've seen each other like this plenty of time, although, for the first time, it felt different. Lexa swallowed loudly.

 

Clarke went to sit by her side. “Wanna watch a movie?” Clarke asked.  
“Actually I thought we should talk... about you and Anya”. How could Lexa know?  
“She told you?” Clarke stood up and went to dress herself, to hide her nervousness.  
Lexa couldn't help but stare. She could see Clarke’s naked back, her perfect curves. God Clarke was beautiful. And seeing her in this state of nakedness was doing so many things to her right now.

 

“She didn't say anything... but Raven saw you two in the bathroom. And... well I saw you kissing her after class”. Her eyes haven't left the blond's body at all and of course she got caught staring. She turned her eyes away.

 

Was Lexa really staring at me? I could swear she was staring. Clarke blushed lightly at the thought.

 

Lexa figured it was her cue and started talking again, “So... you... with a girl?” Which isn't me she wanted to add. OMG Lexa stop! You can't think like that. Instead she set a smile on her face and turn to give her a reassuring smile.


	2. Friend talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you'll like it. Let me know what you think.

Clarke's heart clenched. Was Lexa jealous ? She could swear there was some jealousy in the brunette's voice and so she decided to test it.  
“Well if you remember correctly I never said anything about being straight or not. And Anya is amazing. And well... really pretty... must be in the family” Clarke muttered that last part for herself, but loud enough for Lexa to hear. When she looked back at Lexa, she noticed an ounce of sadness in her eyes that she hadn't seen in a long time.  
“No I know, but you never said anything about being interesting in girls either” If only I had known...  
Clarke burst out laughing in front of Lexa's face, “Why? You would have made a move on me if you had known?”  
Lexa felt her cheeks burning and her hands sweating, so she reply quickly with a “No!”.  
Maybe too quickly given the disappointment on Clarke's face. But Lexa didn't noticed it, she was too busy trying not to look guilty and evident about her feelings toward her best friend.  
“OK. I guess I'm good enough to be your best friend but not your girlfriend. Or am I not pretty enough?”. Clarke said dryly. Lexa just hurt her. She knows she was being stupid but it hurts to know that Lexa could never like her this way. She laid on her bed, her back facing Lexa.  
Lexa's eyes widened. She was so focused on hiding her feelings that she didn't expect to hurt Clarke.  
“What? No! Clarke of course not. You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen...” She bite her lips and continued “I just... we don't see each other that way...” Right? “We're best friends”.  
She laid on the bed next to Clarke and spooned her carefully, wrapping her left arm around the blond waist.  
They stayed silent for several minutes. Then Clarke took Lexa's hand in hers and forced the brunette to spoon even closer to her. “Stay tonight”.  
“OK”.

* * *

Since Raven and Octavia knew Lexa was at the Griffin's house, they decided to have a talk with Anya before anyone gets hurt in this love war.  
The three girls were sitting on the couch. Anya still processing what her friends just told her.  
“So let me get this straight, Lexa... my cousin Lexa... is in love with Clarke?” Anya was a little bit surprised, given the fact that she lived with the girl, and never noticed. Anya even told Lexa about wanted to date Clarke and Lexa never ever said anything. “Are you sure? I told her I was going to ask Clarke out and she didn't say anything, she just-”.  
“Yeah, she is heartbroken. We know you like Clarke too, but Lexa really is in love with her... Octavia said the only thing we could do was to talk to you about it” Raven stated.  
“And Clarke, does she love her back?” Anya asked with a bit of sadness in her voice.  
“Don't know actually, but she was pretty shaken up when she saw Lexa and her girl naked in bed”. Raven remembered how silent Clarke was on the way back to her house.  
“We know it's not really our place, but we thought you should know before it's too late” Raven and Octavia felt bad to deal with their friends business, but it was for the best. Hopefully.  
Octavia took Anya's hand in hers. “I'm sorry, I don't want you to get hurt either, but we thought we should tell you before you get in too deep you know... Not sure what you wanna do about it though...”.  
“You both know I'd do anything for Lexa, she deserves to be happy. She lost so much already” Anya sighed “I'll break up with Clarke tomorrow”.  
Octavia's eyes widened and Raven opened her mouth to talk. Before she could say anything Anya smiled and said “Don't worry, I won't tell her about Lexa, they should get their shit together on their own... Or maybe with a little help, we'll see”. She winked at her friends. “Thanks girls”.

***

Clarke woke up first the next morning. And since it was saturday, she decided to stay in bed a little longer. Enjoying Lexa's arms around her. They sleep at each other's place every week end, and it’s not unusual for them to wake up with their legs tangled together. This time it was more, Clarke wanted it to be so much more.  
After several minutes, Lexa started shifting next to her. “Morning sleepyhead” Clarke said, knowing the girl under her was awake. Clarke still had her head on Lexa's chest, and in reply, Lexa kissed Clarke's head.  
Even though there were some deep and complicated feelings between those two now, they were still the best friends in the world and nothing could ever change that.  
“Wants some pancakes? I'll go make us breakfast”  
“Hmmhm, no stay in bed. Don't move” Lexa tightened her grip around Clarke. Clarke could now only focus on Lexa's hands on her body and her chest under her head. She could only handle so much.  
“Stay, I'll be right back” the blond said before leaving the bed. At the lost of contact Lexa grumbled.

Clarke was downstairs in the kitchen, making pancakes when she received a phone call. It was Anya.  
“Hey” she greeted. “Still up for tonight?”. Clarke knew she couldn't keep going on like this, Anya deserved so much better, that's why she decided they'll have a nice dinner over at her place and she'll tell Anya everything. Honesty was the best solution.  
“Well actually I thought we should talk” Anya reply simply.  
Clarke remained silent for several seconds, looking outside by the window “Yeah... that's actually what I wanted to do as well. Come over at 6:30, I'll cook”.  
“Alright blondy, see you tonight”.  
“Bye Anya”.

When she hung up the phone and turned around, she saw Lexa at the table, a small smile on her lips, “you two sound serious” she said.  
Not knowing what to say, and having no desire to lie, she just laughed and said lightly “Serious? It's been two days Lex' come on”.  
After making coffee, they both ate breakfast happily, just enjoying each others company.  
Lexa’s heart felt heavy in her chest, but there wasn’t much she could do without hurting one or both of the girls she loved the most.

* * *

Clarke decided she would make some lasagna for Anya and her. Soon it was 6:30 and there was a knock on the door.  
Clarke went to let Anya in and greeted her with a hug. Both of them were smiling. Clarke felt heavy though, she was about to break up with the brunette, but didn't want to hurt her. Anya felt the same actually, but she wanted to see what Clarke was about to say first.

“I made lasagna, hope you like it” Clarke said, guiding Anya to the kitchen. “My parents are out for tonight, so we won't be disturb... I.. uh...” Clarke took a deep breath, and figured she should let it out, just like that. The sooner the better.  
“I really like you Anya, but I think this is just friendship...”  
Facing Anya silence, she continued “This is only gonna make things worse, but you should know.... I - I think I'm in love with Lexa... I'm sor-”  
Anya took Clarke hands in hers “Don't worry Clarke, we kissed twice, and we didn't even go on a date yet, it's no big deal”  
“Damn ! Give the girl some warning before hurting her ego!” Clarke said, punching Anya's shoulder.  
Anya burst out laughing, “Alright alright, it was a fucking hot kiss, but still... better?”  
“Much better!” Clarke laughed. “Thanks for understanding though. I don't want to hurt you” She said with a more serious tone. 

After dinner, They spent the rest of the evening talking, watching TV. And suddenly Anya noticed that Clarke was crying. “Hey, what's wrong?” She pulled the blond closer to hug her. “I love her so much you know? But now she is with Costia... she told me last night that we only ever saw each other as friends. She'll never love me back I know that, but I don't want to lose her...”. Anya remained silent, just hugging and rubbing Clarke's back to let the blond calm down. She needed to figure out what she could do, without giving too much information to the blond. Before she could say anything though, Clarke spoke. “You know, I could swear she was jealous for a moment, but I guess it was just my imagination. Seeing things I wanted to see...”.

 

An idea popped in Anya's head. Since it was Clarke who said Lexa might be jealous, she could go on and continue on that field safely, without revealing what she knows. “Wanna go on a double date tomorrow? Something casual, like a late brunch after practice. You, me and Lexa and Costia” Anya pulled away to look into Clarke's eyes.  
“What? Didn't we just broke up?” Clarke looked at Anya confused.  
“You said it yourself, Lexa is jealous. We should see where this is going. Shake her up a little, you know”.  
“I told you, I'm pretty sure it was my imagination. Besides I was already supposed to eat with Lex and Costia tomorrow, to meet her.”  
“Well perfect then, I'll join. And no need to precise her we're not dating anymore. OK?” Anya's smile reassured Clarke and she sighed “OK. Like fake dating?”.  
“Exactly”.

***

Like every Sunday morning, Clarke, Lexa and Octavia had softball practice and like every Sunday Anya and Raven were there to cheer them up. Although this time was different. This time Costia was there too. This time, Anya was trying to cheer Clarke up more and louder than everyone else.  
And Lexa was very annoyed by Anya's behaviour. It was obvious to everyone. Especially to Costia. Clarke noticed too and couldn't help but smile internally.  
It was like this throughout all practice long. And when it was finally finished, Lexa approached Anya. "Did you have to cheer that loud? It was so fucking disturbing. I couldn't even focus".  
"You know what love is honey" Anya winked at Lexa and left to see Clarke who was having an intense conversation with Raven and Octavia.  
"Come on O, we know you like him you should invite him at Bellamy's party Friday night." Raven was so excited by her friend's love life.  
"Besides, he's hot!" Clarke said with her thumbs up.  
Anya arrived and jump right in the middle of the conversation. "Who's hot?"  
Feeling Lexa's eyes on her back she put her right arm around Clarke shoulders and wiper ed to her ears "She is watching... Maybe try to laugh a little, as if I said something funny you know". And Clarke complied. 

 

What the hell am I doing? She probably doesn't even care about my love life. But unlike Anya, Clarke didn't see that Lexa's eyes instantly filled up with jealousy. And just like before, Costia noticed too.  
"You know, the fact that Anya is dating Clarke doesn't mean that Clarke isn't your best friend anymore" she said. "What ? No I know that". She took Costia's hand and shouted "Anya, Clarke let's go I'm hungry. Bye girls, see you tomorrow". With that last part they waved at Raven and Octavia.

* * *

That morning, just before practice Lexa drove by Costia's to pick her up. She was waited in the living room when she received a text from Anya saying that she was going to come with Clarke to brunch. She was obviously making a face because when Costia came back from the kitchen she asked her what was wrong. "Nothing. Anya is joining us for brunch. I can't wait for you to meet Clarke. You'll see she is amazing."  
"Aren't you supposed to say that about me to her?"  
"Who knows, maybe I did" She winked at Costia and gave her a smile. She didn't though and she knew it. "Come on let's go". But Costia didn't move.  
"You've been kinda distant lately you know, ever since we've... uh you know... Do you regret it?" Lexa could hear the worry in Costia's voice.  
"What? No I just... We should go or else we'll be let. We'll talk later, ok?" Costia just smiled and followed the brunette outside silently.

* * *

After Lexa and Clarke both changed and showered in the locker room the four of them headed to Clarke and Lexa favourite little diner across town.  
"Remember that time were you had a crush on that boy and then you found out he was Octavia brother" Lexa was laughing as she remembered Clarke’s reaction. "You promised to never talk about it Lex!" Clarke fake pouted. "He can't ever find out or it’d be the end of me, I’d hear about till the rest of my days"  
Now they were all laughing, Anya took it as an opportunity to intertwine her fingers with Clarke's on the table, at the view of everyone. Especially of Lexa who was now unable to watch elsewhere than their hands. This time, Costia didn't noticed.

 

As brunch went by, Clarke and Lexa often glanced and smiled at each other. And when Clarke was looking at Anya or talking to her, Lexa couldn't help but look sad. Costia noticed every single sad glance of Lexa. They kept talking lightly for about two hours before calling it a day. The moment they said goodbye was awkward. Lexa wanted to leave and to spend the rest of the day with Clarke. But obviously she couldn't and when she hugged Clarke goodbye, it lasted much longer than it was supposed to.  
She couldn't pull away, she loved the smell of Clarke hair and the feeling of her arms around her. Their bodies were so close she could feel the blond heat through her clothes. Clarke loved it too and tightened her grip around the brunette. Anya had to clear her throat in a comical and loud way for them to remember themselves, and take step back. Lexa waved goodbye at Anya and walk toward Costia who was already on her way to the car.  
Clarke though, didn't move, her face red with embarrassment. "Oh God, I think she knows I like her. And I think it was her way of saying that we're just friends". Anya sighed discreetly and came by Clarke side to hug her. "unfortunately, I don't think she knows".

Anya was exasperated, those two idiots are so fucking blind it hurts. It can't keep going like this or they will seriously get hurt, she thought, before driving Clarke home..

* * *

Lexa was driving silently, lost on her own thoughts when Costia broke the silence: "How long have you been in love with Clarke?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They all know besides them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give me some feedbacks if you want, it would be nice to know what you think.  
> Enjoy :)

Costia was looking at Lexa, as she was still driving. When Lexa turned her head toward her, she was surprised to see how calm Costia was. "You're not made?" Lexa saw no point of denying it. "So it is true" she stated simply. "you really are in love with her". Lexa didn't know what to say besides "yes". So she just nodded.

"How long?" Costia seemed a little less calm, maybe even a little angry when she asked that question. "Since forever I guess..." Lexa turn her head and saw sadness in Costia's eyes. "But... I don't know I never really knew... as if my feelings were hidden at the back of my head. I was aware of this until now". Costia was somehow surprised, as if she wasn’t expecting this answer. "What changed then?"

Lexa was hesitant, "I... uh... maybe knowing she could actually be interested in girls... I don't know. Or maybe seeing her with Anya. Maybe both...". They remained silent until they reached the house. Lexa pulled the car over and waited for Costia to leave the car. "So...I guess I see you around. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I didn’t mean to, I like you but not like that". Lexa felt really bad for Costia, she liked the girl, she was a very nice and fun in her own way.

"No". Lexa was taken aback by this answer and thought she should leave as fast as she could. "OK.. uh.. Bye then. Sorry."  
"Lexa wait! I meant no you won't just see me around because I'm planning on being your friend. Come in, you need to talk to someone. I'll make us coffee or tea as you want". She smiled at Lexa and the brunette felt relieved as she followed Costia into the house.

Several minutes later, Costia handed a cup of coffee to Lexa."Thanks"  
"So Lexa, are you planning on telling her?" Costia sat next to Lexa and faced her with a smile.  
"No not now... maybe never. She is with Anya and besides either I tell Clarke and she breaks my heart by saying she doesn't love me back either I don't and it's breaking my heart too". Lexa had her head in her hands, and her elbows on the table. “I just don’t know what to do” she mutered. 

"What is she does though" Costia started rubbing Lexa's arm to give her some comfort. "Does what?" Lexa looked up toward Costia. "Well, love you back, you dummy", Costia laughed lightly. "She doesn't. And even is she magically did, it would break Anya's heart and I can't allow that either... So I'll just say nothing, I’d rather be the one hurting than either one of them".  
Costia stood up and took Lexa's hand "Come on, let's go watch some stupid Rom-com".

* * *

On the way back from brunch, Clarke decided to text Raven and Octavia to invite them over for the rest of the day. After reading some stuff on facebook and watching funny videos on youtube, they started talking about Lincoln and the way things were going for Octavia.  
"Alright, alright I like him OK... the only problem is that he doesn't even see me that way".  
"Oh come O' have you seen you? I could do you right here right now...on this couch".  
"Gross Raven! Not on my couch!".  
"Raven!"  
"Seriously?"  
Anya, Clarke and Octavia exclaimed simultaneously.

"What I mean is that I don't believe he hadn't notice how great you are, that's all" Raven smirked at them and winked at Octavia. At this they all laughed.  
"Maybe all you need to do is some grand romantic gesture... show him you like him, you know. Stop waiting for him to do it. Clarke, care to join me and help with a little demonstration?" Anya was now standing in front of Clarke extending a hand for the blond to take.

"Sure darling ahah" Clarke took Anya's hand and stood up. She felt better now, she really needed this time with her friends, although one was missing.  
"Ok so, you take his hand..." They were now standing in the middle of the living room, acting as if they were in a theatre.

* * *

Of course Lexa chose this moment to come in the Griffin’s house, of course. 

This house was like hers, she feels at home here and rarely knocks before entering, only mostly when she was arriving with other friends. She was always very silent, such as a warrior in the forest, so nobody heard her. When she arrived in the kitchen, she couldn't see the girls, but she could hear them and all she heard was Clarke saying "Oh I love you too Anya" and the other girls clapping. Lexa’s heart clenched so hard. It was hard to contain her tears as she took off as silently as she came in.  
Once in her car, she cried for several minutes, her heart shattered into tiny little pieces. She decided to drive back to Costia. She couldn't be alone tonight, she needed a friend.

* * *

"See O'? EASY! You tell the guy you love him, he says it back and you have tons of little babies" Anya was so proud of her performance. "You're ridiculous ahaha. Yeah sure I'm gonna do that!" Once again they all laughed, except for Anya who was too busy fake pouting, which made them laugh even harder.  
Clarke texted Lexa several times throughout the afternoon, asking her to come over, but she never got any answer.

* * *

The morning after, Clarke was waiting for Lexa in front of her house. When the girl finally arrived, she was wearing the same clothes as the previous day, which Clarke didn't failed to notice. "Same clothes than yesterday hu?" She try to smile at Lexa but her heart was heavy. Clarke didn’t want to know why her Lexa didn’t have time to text back last night. She didn’t want to know that Lexa was so busy she couldn’t even think about Clarke.

"Uh... Yeah... I...uh.. I fell asleep at Costia's last night". When Clarke didn't say anything she added "On the couch".  
"Shhh ! Gosh I didn't need to know where you to have sex, Lex'" Clarke laughed. Even though she was jealous and hurt and sad and God knows what. But this was actually funny. And seeing her best friend blush harder and redder than ever was priceless. "What? Oh... No I meant alone. I fell asleep alone on Costia's couch. She slept in her bed... we didn't-" Lexa stopped herself.

"Don't worry, you don't owe me anything, you don't have to justify yourself. I was just curious that's all".  
"I know that, I just thought... I thought you should know that's all" Lexa blushed even more. She knows she didn't have to explain nor justify herself, but she didn't want Clarke to think she slept with Costia. Even though she probably thought so anyway. Lexa what are you bloody doing!

They both fell into an uncomfortable silence, it was awkward. Then, Clarke decided it shouldn't be awkward, she was in love with her best friend yes, but once again, Lexa was still her best friend. So Clarke put her hand on Lexa's thigh, just above her knee and watch toward the window. The thing is, that now Lexa couldn't focus on the road anymore, she was so focused on the burning feeling on her thigh, where Clarke’s hand was.

Oh God that hand, if only I could be a little bit higher. I wonder how good she is with her hand...No stop! You can't think like this Lexa!  
Lexa was interrupted in her thoughts by Clarke who was now talking about something. But what? "I'm sorry, what?".  
"God Lexa what were you thinking about?" Lexa blushed once again, but Clarke didn't see "So I was telling you about Bellamy's party this friday, we're all going obviously! But I'm just not sure what to wear".

"Good idea, I need to get drunk" They both laughed at that.  
As they arrived at school, and walked to their lockers, Lexa started talking again "Anything, you look beautiful in everything".  
"What?" Clarke wasn't expecting for Lexa to talk, so even if she heard, and had butterflies in her stomach, she wanted to be sure she heard her well.  
"I was saying that you can wear anything, you look beautiful no matter what".  
As they talked, they were looking in each other eyes. But then Lexa started blushing at what she just said and Clarke started blushing at what she just heard. So they looked away.

***

Soon it was Thursday, and since Clarke's parents left for the weekend she decided to throw a girls' night with her friends. Lexa and Clarke were sitting next to each other in the school cafeteria with Anya, Raven and Octavia across the table. "So it's settled, 6:30 at my place, I'll order pizza" Clarke was now standing up, as her and Lexa were supposed to go to the library before the beginning of class.  
"That's my girl!" Raven shooted  
"Shut up Reyes! See you tonight" Anya winked at Clarke and smiled. Clarke extended a hand to invite Lexa to stand up and follow her. Lexa accepted that hand, and didn't let go of it, even once they were out of the cafeteria.

"So at what time can you come over tonight?" Clarke was rubbing her thumb on the back of Lexa's hand and it made Lexa shivered, she was now unable to think properly. "I... wasn't it 6:30?" She asked, as she removed her hand from Clarke's. She loved the feeling of their hands holding but couldn't do it anymore, it was too overwhelming. Clarke pouted at the feeling of her now empty hand, all she wanted to do was to take Lexa's hand back in hers. "For the girls yes but not for you, come as soon as you can ok? Oh and I was hoping you could spend the night?" At the look in Lexa's eyes, Clarke felt disappointed "Never mind, if you have better things to do, or if you're supposed to sleep at Costia's...I...I understand don't worry".

Lexa didn't understood Clarke disappointment, she often slept at Clarke's before that wasn't the problem, but since Anya was going to be there tonight, she thought that she would spent the night with Clarke. Lexa and Clarke were together almost every night this week, and Lexa wondered when did Clarke have time to see her girlfriend.  
She was suddenly curious, and she had to know. "No of course I can, but... but what about Anya? Don't you want her to spend the night? We're together all the time, when do you two even have time to... uh to..." She felt her cheeks burning and couldn't finish her sentence.  
Fortunately Clarke saw her embarrassment and save her day:  
"We don't... we haven't..." But when Clarke saw something she couldn't name in Lexa eyes, she felt the urge to add "Not yet". Lexa's shoulders dropped as she heard the last two words. She was relieved for something like ten seconds and then she imagined Clarke and Anya kissing on a bed and she felt nothing but emptiness inside her.

"Besides, I kinda wanna spend the night with my BFF, I love you Lex you know that?" If only you'd know how much though. If only.

At those words, Lexa, on her own initiative, which was actually extremely rare, took Clarke's hand in hers. "Don't worry Clarke, I know. I love you too" So freaking much. "You know what?" She continued "After class, we'll go to my place, you'll help me find something to wear to Bell's party". "Perfect!" Clarke smiled at Lexa and squeezed her hand. Oh God, that smile will kill me one day. This smile is most beautiful thing on this planet, she is so pretty.

* * *

"And this one?" Lexa was wearing tight black jeans which was shaping her in all the right places, especially her ass which Clarke couldn't help but staring at. 

Lexa was holding a white top in front of her bare chest. Clarke was so absorbed by Lexa's legs and ass that she didn't even noticed that her best friend was now topless besides a lace black and pink bra, so when she looked up, her eyes widened instantly and her jaw dropped... almost to the floor. Lexa, who was usually so oblivious to everything, noticed Clarke's glances to her body, and started blushing.  
"Uh what Lex? What did you say?" Clarke was trying to watch every where but at Lexa. "This top, how is it?".  
"Nice... but I dunno, not nice enough I guess. Wait let me see what you have in there" Clarke made her way to Lexa's closet, where the brunette was standing. While Clarke was going over Lexa's stuff, Lexa was standing close behind her to see which clothes her best friend would choose.

"THERE ! Perfect !" Clarke was holding a crop top, and when she turned around, she didn't expect Lexa to be this close and was suddenly feeling dizzy. The sight before her was breathless, Lexa was smiling and watching her with those perfect green eyes. Clarke knew she was in so deep for this girl.

Lexa took a step back, "Let me see... um yeah, sounds good".  
"Good? God Lexa you're gonna look so hot. Costia really is a lucky girl" Clarke muttered that last part, but it wasn't only for herself, she wanted Lexa to hear, she wanted her to know.

Lexa was taken aback, what did Clarke just say? She was probably just being nice, just being my best friend. My Clarke. That's all. Lexa decided to play it cool, "Thanks, we'll look hot together then" and they both laughed at that, as they made they're way outside the room.

* * *

"PIZZA! God I'm starving!" Clarke was still paying the delivery man that Raven already had a slice of Pizza in her mouth. "Oh God it's good!" and she moaned. The delivery man watched her with wide eyes. Clarke kind of pushed him outside.  
When she slammed the door she shouted "GOD RAVEN! You sound like you're having sex! That freak was about to jump on you".  
"Don't care, it's too good" Everybody was laughing at her, she was certainly the craziest and weirdest of them all, and they loved her for that. 

Lexa started talking, mouth full "But seriously Raven, do you ever think about something else than food?" She finished what she had in her mouth and started licking her lips slowly. Clarke was practically drooling at the sight and Anya noticed. "God Clarke be discreet, you're staring at her like she is a piece of food" Anya murmured in Clarke's ears. "I can't help it, have you seen her... She'll be the end of me".

Lexa watched that private and intimate exchange from the corner of her eyes, and jealousy attacked her all over again. "Well you know Lexa, when she's not thinking about food, she's thinking about sex so..." Octavia was now taking a snap of Raven eating as if it was her first meal in months.  
"I can't help it. They're both necessary to my survival. Just not in the same time... well actually" she said, mouth full and smirking proudly.  
"Shh don't wanna know Raven!"  
"That girl is so fucking gross"  
Clarke and Lexa were the only one to stay silent, just looking at each other and ignoring the others. Were they both thinking about food and sex with each other? What was this weird feeling spreading between them? Today felt so different than any other days for Lexa. Clarke was different with her. Lexa was remembering the way Clarke looked at her body earlier, at her ass. Was she really checking me out?

"You know what girls?" Octavia started, "I feel like having a swim!" She started running and undress herself as she made her way toward the back yard and to the swimming pool. "You're not even drunk and it's not even that hot outside, what's going on with you?" Anya asked, running after her.

"Oh I know! Is it because of Lincoln? Are you guys doing it?" Raven was now running and undressing herself too, too curious to be cold. There was now only Lexa and Clarke in the house. "Does she even think about something else than sex?" Lexa asked. "Who Raven? Naaaa" Clarke replied and they both laughed loudly. They were sitting at the table, and Clarke was watching at her friends by the windows while she was playing with Lexa's hand. "Wanna join them Lex?".

* * *

It was now dark outside, and the five girls were still in the water or sitting by the pool, foot it the water, like Anya and Octavia. "I have an idea" Anya whispered in Octavia's ear. Octavia looked at her with questioning eyes.  
"Girls listen to me" Everybody was now looking at her "Let's play a game, I know, I know, we are absolutely not drunk but it can be fun anyway, and it will warm us up". "Ok, I'm listening" Clarke stated.

"A race, in team of two." Anya said.  
"I want Lexa" Raven shouted.  
"Over my dead body Reyes! She is mine" Clarke fake fight.  
"Mean kitty Clarke is out! This is promising…”  
“Ok so then I'm guessing Clarke-Lexa facing Reyes-O'. The rules are simple: To win you'll have to be the fastest. If you lose, you'll have to kiss the other person of your team".  
"We're gonna crush them Clarke!" Lexa whispered.  
"I dunno Lex, O' is rather fit and she is definitely lighter than me"

"Oh, and one more thing" Anya started "The race is a round trip and will start in the living room to the end of the swimming pool and back. In each team, one of you will have to carry the other for one way and then for the return you'll change. But there is one rule though: out of the water the person have to be carried in front and in the water the person will have to be carried on the back. Ok? Is that clear?"  
"Loud and clear" Raven shouted, she took Octavia hand and kissed it. "We've got this babe" and then she turned to Clarke and Lexa "You're dead!" she said and smiled.

"Ok so I'm slower than you, I should probably start carry you first and then you’ll try to speed up at the end, what do you think?" Clarke asked Lexa, as she was already planning a strategy.

"And don't lose on purpose just to be able to kiss alright!" Anya shooted which made Raven and Octavia laugh and Clarke blushed at this comment, unaware that Anya was actually talking to both her and Lexa. Lexa on her side, thought that it was because Anya didn't want her to kiss her girlfriend. Besides, Lexa was still unaware of the fact that Anya knew about her feelings for Clarke. "Ok let's start!".

"Ok Lexa, jump on me" Clarke blushed again, and then laughed "Sorry". Clarke was now carrying Lexa and they were really close, as close as could be. Lexa had her legs wrapped around Clarke and Clarke had her hand under Lexa's thighs. Ok what should I do? Will I be able to run? How am I supposed to think straight now, with Lexa’s tights in my hands… oh boy! 

The race had started, They already had done one way, and it was a tie for now.

Don't enjoy this too much Lexa, her girlfriend who happens to be your cousin is just next to you, watching you. Oh god her legs around me now. And my hands touching her thighs, and a little of her cheek ass.She is so perfect. Lex get your shit together !

Lexa and Clarke were now almost winning, Octavia was carrying Raven, and it sounded like Raven was too heavy from what Octavia was saying. But then Lexa was cut out of her thoughts when Anya shouted "You better not enjoy this too much you too" and then she tripped. They didn't fall but it was enough for Raven and Octavia to overtake them and to win.

 

"Yeaaaaaah" they both shouted and Raven added "In your face ladies". Octavia was running around her hands in the air.  
"You know what you have to do now" Anya told them with a smirk and a discreet wink to Octavia and Raven.

Lexa and Clarke remained silent, both unsure of what they should do. Lexa looked both at Anya dn Clarke and said "I'm not going to kiss your girlfriend Anya". I want to, but I won't.

Clarke was hurt, she thought Lexa didn't want to kiss her. And she felt the urge to say "Don't worry Lex, you don't have to". She looked a little bit sad, but Lexa couldn't see that. Clarke started walking toward the house.

"For fuck sake Lexa kiss the damn girl. The game is the game. You lose you kiss. That was the deal" Anya said, in a low voice so that Clarke couldn't hear.  
“But she your girlfriend…” Lexa said looking at the floor.  
“It’s just a game Lex, go”.

At this comment, Lexa hurried behind Clarke, grabbed her wrist and turned her around. She had Anya's approval after all. Clarke was a little shocked and started to talk "Lex' don't wor-" But before she could finish her sentence Lexa had one hand around her neck, the other one still on her wrist and two seconds later Lexa's lips were on hers.

Clarke froze, she was so taken aback that she waited several seconds before moving. Lexa started to move away and that’s when Clarke reacted and started kissing her back. Lexa couldn't help but moan when she felt Clarke's lips moving against hers and couldn't help but to put a hand behind Clarke's back to press their bodies closer together. They were both completely oblivious to their friends watching them.

Raven scraped her throat and said "enjoying yourself ladies?".


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Party at Bellamy's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, enjoy
> 
>  

Clarke and Lexa both jolt back, as they seemed to remember themselves and pull appart. They were still close though, Lexa still had her hand in the small of Clarke's back. They were looking at each other in the eyes, chicks flushed. Suddenly Clarke looked away and said "I should uh..." and at that Lexa muttered "Sorry" and pulled away.

Neither of them were able to look at the other now, was it shame? Was is fear that the other would know there were feelings involved? Maybe both. Then Clarke turned around and saw Anya who was looking at her, Anya opened her arms and Clarke went to cuddle up to her. She felt comforted by Anya, who knew how hard it has been to kiss Lexa, the girl she is so madly in love with. Anya loved Clarke and Clarke loved Anya, they learnt to know each other lately, but it was nothing more than friendship.

But... from where Lexa was standing, it was more, it was a relationship. She didn't know how her cousin tried to help her and Clarke to be together, all she knew is that she kissed Anya's girlfriend. "Sorry for kissing your girlfriend An’... but it was YOUR game remember?" She gave her cousin her brightest smile, trying to reassure Anya and herself in the same time, yes it was just a game. It didn't mean anything to Clarke. 

The thing is that Lexa couldn’t help but smile. Even though she knew she shouldn't. But she couldn't help it, Clarke's lips were the softest and sexiest thing on this planet, she will remember them forever.

 

"It's getting late, and not that I wanna be a mood killer, but we have class tomorrow" Octavia put her jacket on.  
"Well class I don't really care but I wanna be at my best for the party tomorrow night, I heard that this guy Wick was going to be there" Raven gave her a dirty smile and followed Octavia outside. "See you tomorrow bitches" they shooted from the door.  
"I better go, they're my ride. Good night girls" Anya let go of Clarke, but not before kissing her forehead and then she hugged Lexa. Anya knew that kiss had been hard for both of them.  
"Bye, text us when you get home" Clarke said to the three of them.  
"We'll do" Anya smiled and closed the door behind her.

Clarke and Lexa were now alone, and had no choice but to look at each other for the first time since the kiss.  
Lexa wasn't sure what she was supposed to do but was the first to broke the silence "I...I can go if you want".  
"What? No! Of course not Lex. I want you to stay. You should be ashamed of yourself" Clarke teased. Then she moved toward Lexa and hugged her. "Come on" she took her friend's hand and lead her to her room.  
"Why on earth should I be ashamed?" Lexa was confused, but she knew that Clarke was kidding.  
"Well you kiss me like that and then you wanna leave... I feel used and dirty" And at this comment they both laughed and reach Clarke's room. Once again, Lexa remembered that, besides her very deep feelings for Clarke, Clarke was still her best friend in the whole world and she could tell her everything.

"You're a pretty good kisser you know that" Lexa started.  
"You have seen nothing yet" Clarke smirked "Wait till I show you what I can do with my tongue". And now she winked at Lexa, which made her blush so brightly. All Lexa wanted to say was "Can't wait" but she refrained herself, not trusting her voice. So all Lexa did instead was laugh, fake laugh of course, because apart from being so fucking aroused there was nothing funny.  
"Ok you first in the bathroom".

* * *

Now they were both in bed, on their back, like they've been hundreds of times. Clarke was pretty sure she wasn't going to sleep, that kiss had been way too much for her sake.  
"Come here Clarke, you know I know you like to cuddle before sleeping" Lexa opened her arms and Clarke closed the distance between their bodies instantly.  
"Better?"  
"Much better" the blond replied. "Thanks Lexa, I love you. Good night".  
"Night Clarke".  
They were both enjoying this proximity so much, wishing nothing but for it to mean so much more.

* * *

They were now back from school, Lexa was already changed and ready for the party. She was waiting for Clarke to choose her clothes and to put makeup on the both of them. It was their ritual, it was always Clarke who did the makeup part.  
Anya, Raven and Octavia were supposed to pick them up around eight, they had a little bit less than 40min before they arrive.  
Clarke was walking around in her underwears, going through her dresses and pants "Seriously help me". When she turned around and looked at Lexa, who was sitting on her bed with her hair in a bun, she walk toward her and settled just before the girl, almost between her legs. Clarke carefully untied Lexa's hair, then she ran her hands through it "Much better, now you look smocking hot Lex'".  
Lexa's mouth went dry, Clarke's hands were still in her hair, she was almost naked and so close it hurts. Lexa tried to look everywhere but at Clarke. She couldn't look at her without admiring every centimeter of Clarke's body. So she decided not to watch at all.  
"Are you ok Lex?" Clarke removed her hands from her hair and put them on Lexa's cheeks, forcing her to look up.  
"Yes Clarke, everything is fine" she lied.

"Ok so what do you think about this dress?" Clarke moved to her wardrobe and hold a long red dress.  
"Clarke it's a party not a wedding" she made fun of the blond. Lexa moved from the bed to the blond.  
"I know... I just want to look beautiful ya know" I want you to look at me as if I was the only girl in the world you want to be with. I want to make you smile and laugh. I want to love you Lexa. If only you knew how much I want you.  
"Come on Clarke, you look beautiful in everything. There, what do you think of this" Lexa was now holding a navy blue skirt and a white top which she knew had an outrageous cleavage.  
"Ok perfect" 

Once Clarke was dressed, she started applying makeup on Lexa's face.  
Lexa had her eyes closed and once Clarke was finished, she couldn't help be admiring the brunette face and before she knew it she gave her a quick peck on the lips. Lexa immediately opened her eyes and Clarke moved away.  
"Clarke..." 

But before one of them could say anything more, Lexa was interrupted by the door bell.  
Clarke left the room without a word to go open the door downstairs, leaving Lexa alone.  
I guess it was just a friendly kiss she thought and then left the room as well.  
When the three girls entered the house Raven looked at them from head to toe "Gosh, are you trying to impress somebody ladies? You're hot, Damn!"  
"Thanks Reyes!"  
"Yeah thanks Raven".  
As they entered the car, neither one of them said anything.

* * *

Once they arrived at Bellamy's place, it was already crowded.  
"Hey girls" he welcomed them and hugged them.  
"Costia is already in the living room" he said to Lexa, who left the girls to see her friend.  
Clarke wanted to keep Lexa next to her, to take her hand and never let it go. So instead she took Anya's hand and dragged her outside in the garden. Raven and Octavia were already on their way to their potential boyfriend respective.

Once in the garden, far enough from everybody, Clarke stopped. "Anya I can't go on like this, it hurts so much. I... we... God I don't know" Clarke was now pacing in the garden, completely lost.  
"I can't deal with you anymore" Anya shouted and then she add "we should broke up". Given the confused look on Clarke face, Anya she felt the urge to precise that it was all for the show.  
"She can't hear you Anya, besides, I don't want her to think that I'm a pain in the ass" Clarke laughed, because Anya was really trying.  
"She already lo-" Clarke looked up at Anya's words. A

nya started again, trying to avoid saying anything she shouldn’t. "She already is your best friend, she loves you and she already knows you're a pain in the ass". "HEY" And with that the blond punched her.  
Clarke laughed so hard that Lexa heard her and turn her head towards the window to look outside.  
"Did you talk to her?" Costia asked. "You can't keep up like this"  
"I know Cos, but she is dating Anya, I don't want to go in between them. I won't do that. I love them both too much"

* * *

Later that night, Raven was talking to Wick, Lexa and Anya were watching them.  
"Looks like she got what she wanted" Lexa said, a sad look in her eyes.  
"Why are you so damn sad Lexa? Is it because of Clarke? I know you broke up with Costia”. Lexa opened her mouth but Anya cut her off, “Don’t deny it, she told me herself" Anya was soder, so was Lexa and this conversation was finally there.  
"So you know I'm not with Costia and you think I'm sad because of Clarke? What's that logic?" It was the truth though, but Lexa didn't know how Anya could know that.  
"I'm your cousin, I'm practically your sister. I know you Lexa" She patted Lexa's back. "You should hurry up though, Clarke is really beautiful tonight and I saw her talking to a very hot chick earlier".  
"WHAT? But aren't you afraid someone would steal your girlfriend?" Lexa was furious, the fact that Clarke was with Anya was sad but she loved both of them so it was alright, but there was no way on earth that she was going to lose Clarke to a random girl.  
"Clarke and I... never really dated. We kissed yes, but then we realised it wasn't what we wanted..." Anya admitted.  
"But...I... But...". Lexa looked at her, with those big confused green eyes.  
"Have you lost your tongue Lexa" Anya teased her.  
"You were so closed, hugging and smiling and all. I don't understand. Why? What happened?" Lexa looked at Anya, expectantly. She was trying to understand how someone could not love Clarke..

"It's just friendship. I liked her more though, but I knew how you felt for her so I couldn't..."  
"How did yo-" Before she could finish, a flash went through her brain "Raven...". "Yes" Anya admitted "And Octavia. They didn't want anyone to get hurt".  
“But I-I heard Clarke telling you she loved you the other night at her house…”  
“What? OH! We were just trying to convince O to act on the boy she’s crushing on”. 

"So, because of my feelings, you backed off? I love you so much Anya" Lexa was know crying, she didn't know her cousin would do such a thing for her.  
"And I love you too. Now you should really go and talk to Clarke".  
"What should I tell her? If she wanted to be with me, we'll be together already. She doesn't love me the way I love her. I can't just go and tell her how I feel. I just-"  
"Will you stop rambling" Anya cut her off "Remember your kiss yesterday? My kiss in the bathroom with Clarke was tongue full and hot, like really hot bu-”  
“Will you please shut up” Lexa said, trying not to imagine this again.  
“Let me finish, our kiss was nothing compared to your kiss from yesterday. That my dear was love".  
"I didn't need to know about the tongue full part though!".  
“Will you please shup up and act already Lex!” Anya was now hugging Lexa when Lexa mutterered "Are you sure? Should I really tell her how I feel?"  
"Positive".  
* * *  
Clarke was sitting on the kitchen table, talking to that other girl. Well talking was a big word, she was nodding from time to time to what the other girl was saying, without really paying attention. Then one of her favourite music started.... Maroon 5. She loved that band. So she started listen to the music.

*Woke up sweating from a dream  
With a different kind of feeling  
All day long my heart was beating  
Searching for the meaning  
Hazel eyes I was so color blind  
We were just wasting time  
For my whole life  
We never crossed the line  
Only friends in my mind  
But now I realized  
It was always you  
Can't believe I could not see it all this time, all this time  
It was always you  
Now I know why my heart wasn't satisfied, satisfied  
It was always you *

She was lost in the music, realising that this song was her, it was her and Lexa and when she looked up and she saw Lexa approaching, she smiled. She hadn't seen her since the arrived at the party.  
At that moment the girl Clarke was talking to took her hand. Lexa arrived and command the girl to back off and walk away. Lexa gave her a killing glance. Lexa then took Clarke hand in hers "We should talk".

 

Clarke who remained silent until now, jerked away. She was suddenly furious "What the fuck Lex? Can't you just go back to your girlfriend and leave me alone". Clarke, on the contrary had a few drinks already, and was already feeling quite drunk.

Lexa remained silent. and so did Clarke, her arms crossed around her body. 

“Clarke can we go and talk somewhere private?"  
“I'm not going anywhere with you" Clarke was so furious "You know I actually liked this girl". The blond remained where she was, sitted on the kitchen table but looked at Lexa with anger. It was somehow the only way she could express her feelings toward Lexa.  
"She wasn't meant for you anyway" Lexa couldn't hide her jealousy.  
"How would you know?" Clarke asked dryly.

"Because I know you, I've known you forever" Clarke blinked, silent.  
Lexa took this as an opportunity to talk. “Costia and I, we... we broke up”. At this Clarke just shuddered. But deep down, the blond felt something, was it relief? Until Lexa continued. "We broke up Clarke. We broke up because of you!"  
Uh What?  
Clarke looked at Lexa in disbelief "What the fuck did I do now?"  
They examined each other for several seconds.  
Then Lexa moved forward Clarke and put both her hands on either sides of Clarke's face, she try to compose herself and muttered " We broke up because of you” She repeated “Because you're beautiful, and funny and you always look down when you're ashamed or you smile shyly when you try to convince someone... And your eyes are so blue and deep I could spend hours getting lost in them. We broke up because she wasn’t you” Lexa stopped, breathed deeply and continued “You're just you and I love you so much for that".

Lexa removed her hands and took a step back, to let Clarke processing what she just told her. But also to try to calm down, her heart was beating fast, so fast. She could lose her best friend and the love of her life at the same time, if Clarke didn't love her back.

Clarke sobered up immediately, but she wasn't sure she understood correctly, she just couldn't believe what Lexa just said. Does she love me the way I love her? Does that mean that we could actually be together? Be happy and in love? 

 

Lexa was looking at Clarke expectancy. The song was still on and it was starting to slowly kill Clarke. “I… I need so air Lexa, I don’t understand what you’re saying and I just need to get out of here” Clarke moved toward the back door, Lexa following her closely.  
Once outside, Lexa moved closer, she wanted to take Clarke’s hand in hers but gave the girl some space.  
"Are you deaf Clarke?" her voice was strong yet so soft and hot? Yes so freaking hot! And the way she said Clarke's name made the blond girl shiver from head to toe. Lexa was close but she didn't touch Clarke "I just told you I fucking love you Clarke, I'm in love with you. As Adam Levin says it's you, it was always you, I-I was just so blind Clarke… But seeing you could actually be with a girl, it was all I could think about. Just to be with you, I needed to tell you, I don't know what you’re feeling but-".  
Lexa was cut off by Clarke's lips crashing hers. It was gentle, yet so intense as if Clarke was trying to show just how much she loved Lexa too through that kiss.

Clarke could swear she was seeing stars. Lexa's lips on hers felt so right, so natural, as if it was where they were meant to be. She couldn't help but moan and the sound triggered something inside Lexa who started to deepen the kiss and was now kissing Clarke more roughly. Lexa pushed Clarke against the wall as she begged for entrance with her tongue. Clarke quickly grabbed the brunette by her hips to pull her closer and to flush their body together, so that to space was between them.  
She teased Lexa a few more seconds before opening her mouth lightly for Lexa's tongue. When their tongues touched for the first time, she was sure her panties were completely ruined by now, her body was aching. She needed Lexa, right here right now. So she started to drag her fingers under the hem of Lexa’s top.

Lexa moaned and pulled at her own sound, she needed some air yes but mostly because she knew they needed to talk.

“Sorry… I got carried away I guess” Clarke said sheepishly.  
“Trust me I want you, I want to do so many things to you right now… But I think maybe we should talk first" Lexa’s chicks were red, but she was smiling. 

"Come with me" Lexa said, taking Clarke's hand in hers and moving inside and to a room upstairs. When then entered inside the room Clarke laughed.  
"I thought you wanted to take things slow and talk? Bringing me to a room already? Where are your manners lady? You could at least take me on a date first" Clarke teased Lexa, fainting to be chocked. She knew they needed to talk too. They both went and sit on either side of the bed  
Lexa blushed a second then find her confidence back "You have no idea how bad I want to rip your clothes off right now..."  
Clarke looked at her with now darker eyes, “Oh trust me I do”.  
Lexa swallowed loudly. “But, we should talk yes” Clarke continued.

“Since you already told me your side of the story, I guess it’s only fair for me to do as well” Clarke took a deep breath and grabbed Lexa’s hand, intertwining their fingers.  
“seeing you with Costia... in bed..." Clarke winced at the memory, which wasn't unnoticed by Lexa. "It made me realised just how much I wanted to be her. I couldn’t understand at first, but then I realised that my feelings for you weren’t simply about friendship anymore. It was love… but how could I tell you that I love you and risk ruining your relationship with Costia and our friendship in the process… And then Anya happened, she is a girl so it was easier to pretend I guess. I told her anyway, I didn’t want to hurt her and somehow she already knew… and she said we should pretend to see your reactions and-”

“I’m sorry I stopped listening after you said you loved me” Lexa had tears in her eyes, and she was smiling so brightly.  
“Oh I love you so much Lexa Woods, you have no idea. I am just so afraid to lose you if we.. if we-” Clarke start crying and Lexa moved closer to hug her tightly  
"You'll never lose me Clarke. I will stay with you as long as you want me too, I want to spend the rest of my life kissing and loving you. I want to take you on so many dates, you’ll get tired of it”. Lexa stopped, not sure about what she was about to say, “I can't go back to friendship Clarke..." There was some sign of sadness in Lexa's eyes.  
"Me neither Lex', I'm just saying that whatever happens, I want us to remain friends. I can’t lose you".  
"I will be with you forever Clarke" Lexa moved forward and kissed Clarke, it was meant to be a quick peck on the lips but Clarke put her right hand behind her neck to pull her face even closer to hers and her left hand on the small of Lexa's back. Lexa took this as en invitation and moved to settled on top of Clarke.  
"I always knew you were a top!"


End file.
